The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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