So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just gargled with NyQuil
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Come on in and take your pants off
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