You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
