It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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