i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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