she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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