you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
