Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
