i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
