Will you blow on my dice?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
