Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
