I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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