While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
