Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
