My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
