my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
