I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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