You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
