and she was petting her beer can
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
