so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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