i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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