he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
