You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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