Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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