Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
