I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
