I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
