I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sorry my hands just texted you
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
do nipples grow back?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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