they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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