I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
