I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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