well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i love accidental penises.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
