I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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