dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
