This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
