Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
