I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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