Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Pants are for mortals
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
