I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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