Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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