hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
what day is it and did you see me today?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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