I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
