omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think I am morally bankrupt
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
