it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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