Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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