is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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