So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
