I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
