He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
