I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
