I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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