quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
