he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
