I should be sponsored by Trojan
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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